I'm here!

I doubt anyone is still showing up that read this blog before, but if you are, I'm back!  It's been a LONG time and a lot has happened.  Anywho.  I have been losing it.  This time for good.  I know that my loved ones would rather have me alive, and not only would I love to stay alive..I want to LIVE.  

Chronic pain wasn't enough. Sleep apnea and diabetes wasn't enough. Even being diagnosed with high blood pressure, abnormal thyroid (and under-active), and almost everything that shouldn't read high on blood work reading high didn't work.  But, then one day...it happened.

I have the exact dates somewhere, it was early January of 2013 and probably a Monday.  I was working and started getting a really bad headache again. (I had been getting a lot of them..stress related and high blood pressure related)  I checked my blood pressure and it was at the levels I'd been warned about.  I called the doctors office and was told to go to the ER.  I told my supervisor and headed out to the ER.

I always want my mom, anytime I'm sick.  Who doesn't?  Not only that, but she was always my "expert" on all things medical because she'd dealt with most of them.  So, I was already missing and wanting my mom when the nurse put the IV in me.  This particular time, it HURT.  My bruise lasted 2 weeks.  I've had IVs I could barely feel, with this one, that wasn't the case.  So, it reminded me of my mom saying how much she hated that they'd poke her repeatedly and could never find her veins and how they could never keep one in long because they'd fail after a while. I really missed her at that moment and wanted her more than anything else.  

Then it hit me.  What was I doing???  What was I thinking?  Why was I doing this to myself and to those I love??  If I didn't start caring for myself...I was going to die.  MY loved ones would have that ache.  

That was 3 weeks ago.  I've lost a solid 25 lbs since then.  The reason I say it that way, lol..is because my scale weighs higher than the doctor's office scale by 2 lbs.  Also, I was up to 27 but I weighed myself a few days later and I was up 2 lbs.  So, I KNOW these things happen.  So, I have most definitely lost 25 lbs in 3 weeks.  

I've been changing my lifestyle and my outlook.  I'm making choices.  Every day.  It's not always easy, not at all.  But January FLEW by..just like most months have been.  I'm in February now and I know that I've lost 25 lbs since January began.  This will be a LONG road, and the changes are changes I have to use life long.  But, I'm ok.  Bring it on!

Dinah

New Year

Hi, if anyone still reads this, lol. I'm still here. I can't believe I haven't blogged in so long! I get a lot of great ideas, inspiration, recipes, etc from lots of other blogs. I just can't seem to keep up with my own.

Things have been...interesting...since I last posted. I will leave it at that. I've been really wanting to juice again but have been scraping pennies for months now. Even using the market for juicing items is just too expensive because that can be used towards things EVERYONE can eat. That's one thing about juicing, you do use a lot of produce in it. When I was exclusively juicing I was amazed at how much produce each jar of juice would take.

Last night while I was looking around on the internet I noticed that there is a community garden within walking distance of my house! This excites me, a lot. I am looking into it though I don't know what all I can do right now. I have been limited in what I can do for the past couple of months and have to be careful with lifting, twisting, etc. But, I am sure there is SOMETHING I can do to participate! I'm hoping there is.

My weight right now. Yeah, some of the 50 I lost found its way back. I have already told it that it will be leaving the premises again and it's not going to be allowed back. I have tried to walk some every day but I really need to get out while the weather is awesome and do some serious walking. My back has been hurting A LOT since I got hurt so doing serious walking hasn't appealed to me. I've been dealing with chronic pain for a long time now, I never understood and never cared about "chronic pain" until I had it. It sucks. But, I don't usually whine and moan about it so I'll stop now.

I didn't mean to fall behind on my blogging. I read a lot of blogs and enjoy reading them, so, maybe someone reads mine. Oh! I've been writing. Though I should be writing more than I am. My books aren't as boring as my blog either! I swear they're not!!! lol

On that note, I just wanted to post. Maybe I'll have something amazing to post about soon. Amazing good...not amazing bad. Is there an amazing bad? Hmmm.

It's Dinah

Happy Thanksgiving!

Hi everyone! It's been a while since I've posted, but I do have good news this morning! I am now officially 50 lbs down from my highest! That was my most recent goal. My highest weight was 486, I am now 435. For those who have been following this, I know I'm not far below where I was at the end of my brief juice fast a few months back. That was the most amazing experience! I highly recommend that to anyone, it wasn't just about the weight loss. I felt really good. The only downfall to it, besides how expensive it was, was the Psychology of not being able to eat at all. But, not everyone would have the issues I had with that. I will juice fast again, but I will only do it for 7-10 days at the most. For anyone who knows anything about weight loss, I lost a drastic amount in a very short period of time, I'm thrilled to have that off now, and to have more off!

It has been a highly stressful time since then in my personal life. Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that it is getting any better right now either. It seems like it's just one thing after another, or more like...5 things right after another. But, I have faith and I'm praying a lot. God knows more than I do about everything, I'm trusting that he'll get me through all of this and things will turn out great, hopefully sooner rather than later!

I was thinking the other day, it would be really cool to be below 400 before the 1st of the year. I'm only 36 pounds away from 399. How cool is that? I am well aware of my love for cooking and baking and big meals with family and friends. I am also well aware of the fact that it is Thanksgiving tomorrow and we still have my 21st anniversary and Christmas between now and the 1st. But, why not shoot for it??? I am not going to completely deny myself the eating pleasures of the holidays, but, I am going to see what I can do to get to that goal.

I've also been catching so many bugs and viruses. I've been sick a lot, it's insane! Right now myself and my younger two children are all sick.

Ok...enough of all that! I am cooking and baking up a storm the next 2 days. In fact, I will be heading into my kitchen shortly to get a start on that. A very good friend of mine told me that she isn't doing anything for Thanksgiving and doesn't want to do anything because you're "supposed" to. I get that, I definitely do. But, I love traditions and having a reason to do it. My oldest daughter won't be here for the meal this year, that saddens me. She will be seeing us though, and will probably have some leftovers with us. I love the holidays and partaking in the traditions of them. This year it will be just hubby, my younger 2, my mother in law, and possibly a friend of my middle child. I did all of the shopping, I'm doing all of the cooking...I think they'll be doing the after dinner cleanup!!

Oh, and what am I thankful for? A lot of things. Family, health, my families health! hubby and I having jobs, a home, vehicles, electricity, fresh running water, the many many things that we take for granted in this country, being alive now rather than before conveniences and technology! lol I always say that Jesus really loved us because he even came before all of the modern conveniences we have and then went through all he did for us, out of love! Which leads me to the most important thing I am thankful for, everything he did and is doing for us. I look forward to hearing what everyone is thankful for!

~~~Dinah~~~

Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...

Hi! I have thought about blogging lately, when I'm in the shower or driving. I have lost 4 pounds in 4 days. I've noticed my clothes are baggy and my underwear almost fell off this morning (yes, I know, TMI) Earlier in the week I was down a pound from last week.

Here's what's been going on...I started a job the week before last. It is a job where I am chasing 2 year olds all day. I know I have a lot of physical problems, but, I am being careful and other than feeling like I've worked out with my old psychotic trainer every day (remind me to tell you about him), I'm doing ok. I am exhausted, have already been fighting a cold and some funky cold sore things on my mouth..which, I might add..is uber attractive! Oh, my sentence structure is not proper tonight and I don't care.

I had an A in my math class (I'm glad miracles never cease!) and I'm in my 2nd to last week of it I am quite sure it's no longer an A this week, due to me kind of blowing it off, BAD ME! But, I WILL pass it this time, I failed it last time. I could beat myself profusely for that smooth move. I HATE math. I love math when I understand it, but, I tend to get confused and frustrated very easily. This class is a lot of figuring out formulas, which I've never liked.

I am trying to be positive and keep on going no matter what lately. I've noticed things like awesome clouds, I've appreciated the cooler weather and when we get a nice breeze. I had my oldest daughter with me after work today and she noticed a HUGE rainbow in front of us. I was like a little kid when I saw it!! I thought I saw a hummingbird on the playground at work and was about to freak out with excitement, but, it was a dragon fly. I decided that was cool too! It's the little things with me. lol. I've found the things my 2 year olds do to be amusing too. My family amuses me. My animals amuse me. I amuse myself half the time.

I am EXHAUSTED every day, there's not enough time in the day and the weekends aren't long enough. But, this is good for me and it's yet another learning experience. I will try to update more regularly.

Still Dinah...

Definitely still losing it

I wanted to check in, I've been busy with a lot of things and haven't been blogging. I'm about to get a lot busier but I'll figure out a way to manage everything so that I'm still getting blog time. My weight, by the way, is back "down" to 445. It had been up to 454 within a couple of weeks of not juicing anymore. I'm quite sure it will not be a problem for the weight to keep dropping, whether or not I am juicing. But, I do want to start juicing at least part time as soon as I can.

I had noticed that when I would go to get up I would "catapault" myself the other day. It is because of the weight loss. Can't complain about that feeling!

I am LOVING the weather. However, there have been 3 times recently that I am ready to go walk and it starts raining! lol. If I could be guaranteed there would be no lightning I'd go walk in the rain! That would be awesome to do sometime. But, there's often lightning when it rains here.

Anyway, there's nothing special to post here tonight, I just wanted to let everyone know how things are going.

Fall is upon us

Hi everyone! I haven't posted in a while so I thought I'd check in. I'm uber excited about fall! The weather is cooling down and we've had some amazing weather lately! I love fall, winter, and spring here but I'm not fond of the summer. Though I must say, this summer has been uncharacteristically "not as hot" here and hotter everywhere else. Leave my grammar alone! LOL

I saw the doctor this week. I've been having so many issues with neuropain and my sugar levels aren't stable so I finally said "yes, let's do this" on the insulin. He said as I lose more weight I will most likely come off of it. He explained how once my pancreas is damaged to a certain point, it's through. Scary stuff. I've known way too many people who've lost loved ones to diabetes. I even found out that at least one of my relatives has died from it. I have it on both sides of my family, which I only recently found out.

Once I started on the insulin it seemed like I had more energy almost right away, my neuropain has lessened some, though it has a long way to go. But, today is only day 4.

My weight loss made my doctor very happy. He told me to keep up the good work and see him in a month. With the weather getting better, I will be walking more. The pain is still there, but the more I move, the better I feel. Most of the time.

I've been very busy with life in general. I've spent a lot of time online trying to get a job. I had one interview and it seemed to go well. She said it is a 2 week process, it hasn't been 2 weeks yet but I'm not holding my breath. Regardless of my skills, education, experience, etc., my physical appearance is huge. (pun intended) I wish I could go back to running my home based business, I took a lot of pride in that and had a good reputation. But, that's not really an option now.

Anyway, I wanted to check in. I hope everyone is doing well. :)

They've just been doing it longer

I have a different perspective than most, at least I think I do. When someone gains weight as a young adult, it worries me. I have several people I love dearly who have put on a considerable amount of weight as newly married people, newly graduated from high school, etc. I have some young moms who have put on a lot of weight since they've begun having children. Due to my own experience, this makes me very concerned.

When I was about 21 or 22 my oldest sister came to visit me. Since I've lived away from most of my family ever since I went into the Navy, they often go long periods of time without seeing me. My sister had concerns about how much weight I had put on since she had last seen me.

We were at a gas station and when I came back out from paying for my gas my sister said "you hold yourself well for someone of your size". I don't remember my response to that, but I knew she was giving me a compliment. I said "you know what I don't understand?" She said "What?" I said "I eat a lot, I don't understand how some people can be so huge, I can't imagine anyone eating more than I do". She said "They don't, they've just been doing it longer".

Though I have always remembered that conversation, it obviously did not stop me from gaining more weight. I have never forgotten it, and I think about it every time I see a young adult gaining weight. I never had a person who actually was obese try to talk to me about my weight or try to explain things to me. I only had people with no weight problems try to tell me what I should be doing and how I should be doing it.

I had a few people try the humiliation route with me. I had one person who loved me very much say all kinds of horrible, nasty things to me one night in hopes that it would make me do something drastic and start losing weight. It only hurt me and made me feel even more hopeless. This paragraph should have been put in the "demons" post I did last week.

I've been having a Very difficult time in non-weight related personal life stuff, but this isn't the place for it. I will say that I've had NO feedback for the last few posts and I'm feeling like everyone has given up because I am not juicing. I have a truly legitimate reason why I am not and cannot juice right now. I WANT to juice and want to feel really good again. I have a dear friend who is about to start juicing this week, she is very excited about the things I told her about it. In fact..this week the juicer I have is on sale for $69.

Please don't give up on me, I haven't given up.
Dinah